She said, "Yes!" and now the wedding planning begins. Whether it's a friend, sister, or coworker, wedding stuff is going to be your go-to conversation with the Future Bride for a while. And while you're just trying to be supportive (but let's be honest, you want to know all the juicy details), there are some questions she doesn't want to answer. Here are the top 5 questions brides-to-be hate getting asked.
1. Did You Pick a Date, Yet?
This seems like an easy answer, but I caution to wait on asking this question. When a couple first gets engaged it's quite the whirlwind. A lot of couples like to take their time and enjoy the moment. If your friend announces her engagement on Saturday, don't ask her about the date on Sunday. Finding a venue can be stressful enough without feeling like people are rushing you.
Instead, Ask: "What time of year are you thinking of getting married?"
2. What Does Your Dress Look Like?
A lot of women want their first appearance at the wedding to be that WOW moment. The Dress is, well, THE dress. A lot of ladies like to keep this a secret. And thanks to shows like "Say Yes to the Dress" everyone has an opinion on what a wedding dress should look like (spoiler alert: a wedding dress should look like whatever the bride wants it to!). Especially those with a non-traditional style, Brides-to-Be can feel awkward trying to explain their choice in wardrobe.
Instead, Ask: "Have you been dress shopping yet?"
3. When Can I Expect My Invitation?
Picture it: you are recently engaged and you go out to celebrate your friend's birthday. At the bar you run into someone from high school that your friend managed to keep in touch with, but you haven't. They ask about your fiance (who they never met before) and about your wedding. Then here it comes, the dreaded moment: "I better be invited!" This exact scene happened to me (and I'm sure countless others). Every couple has a budget. It's more and more common for couples to be paying for the full wedding themselves, so they opt for a smaller guest list. Don't expect to be invited to someone's wedding. Also, don't be offended if you don't make the list. We had to bump some friends off our guest list to make room for husband's large list of first cousins.
Instead, Ask: "How far along are you in the planning process?"
4. Why do You Want to do That?
My heart just sinks thinking of this question. Weddings are supposed to be celebrating the couple, so often that means the couple's personality is out on display. Asking, "why do you want to do that?" is like saying, "your weird and have stupid ideas." Okay, that sounded childish. But when a bride has her parents constantly telling her what she should do, her future in-laws telling her "it would be great if you could just..." the last thing she wants to hear from a friend is a condescending, "That's what you're going to do?"
Instead, say, "That sounds perfect for you!"
5. How Much Does [Insert Item/Service] Cost?
This one is a no-brainer and yet, people still ask. Unless you're forking over the cash to pay for it, you don't need to know how much it costs. Some Brides may feel self-conscious on spending "too much" on their big day. Some may feel self-conscious about not spending "enough." For all those Nosy Nellies out there, the average wedding in America costs over $35,000. There are beautiful weddings that cost more and beautiful weddings that cost less. As long as it's something the couple thinks they can afford, who cares how much they are spending?
Instead, don't bring up money at all. Just tell them about something you like about their wedding plans.
The main takeaway is that weddings are personal. There are a thousand different ways to do the "right" wedding. It's a very fun and exciting time - and the couple will want to talk about their plans. But a good rule of thumb (for life in general) is don't ask a question that is judgmental. And when a friend shares with you their plans, don't make them feel bad about it. Just because something is not right for you, doesn't mean it's not right for them.